What Politic is?

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper, so the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room, finding the door locked. He peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.'
The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.

Wife from Hell...

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit,
the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, ' woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says,
'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'

The officer looks over at the woman and asks,
'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'(I LOVE THIS PART...)
'Only when he's been drinking.'

Super Blonde

A blonde and brunette were watching the 11 o'clock news. The news
was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.

The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "I bet you $50 the man
is going to jump."

The blonde replies, "Okay you're on."

Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette
$50.

The brunette says, "Listen, I can't accept this money. I watched
the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then."

"No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5
o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."

POOR DAUGHTER

Hi honey, this is Daddy...is your Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy, she's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank,"

After a brief pause Daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!" "Oh Yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy, right now!"

"Uh Okay then......here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's car just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay Daddy!" A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well I did what you said, Daddy." "And what happened?" he asks. "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out the front window and now she's all dead.

"Oh my God!!!!! And what about your Uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool....but he must have forgotten that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's all really dead too."

*** long pause *** Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool???? Is this 555-7039? "No! This is 555-7093" the little girl said.

"Ooooppss....sorry wrong number!"

A little American Indian boy

A little American Indian boy asked his father, the big chief and witch doctor of the tribe, “Papa, why is it that we always have long names, while the white men have shorter names like Bill, Tex or Sam?”

His father replied, “Look, son, our names represent a symbol, a sign, or a poem for our culture not like the white men, who live all together and repeat their names from generation to generation. Also, it is part of our makeup that in spite of everything, we survive.

For example, your sister’s name is Small Romantic Moon Over The Lake, because on the night she was born, there was a beautiful moon reflected in the lake.

Then there’s your brother, Big White Horse of the Prairies, because he was born on a day that the big white horse who gallops over the prairies of the world appeared near our camp and is a symbol of our capacity to live and the life force of our people. It’s very simple and easy to understand.

Do you have any other questions, Little Broken Condom Made in China?

all of these i got from some one that called himself "cool man"